Without A Paddle: Nature Calling

While working as a nurse in a care home, Zach (Kristopher Turner) makes a promise to reunite a dying biddy with her grand-daughter Heather (Madison Riley) - who turns out to be the girl his best friend Ben (Oliver James) has been obsessed with since high school.

Ever the eco-warrior, Heather was last seen going back to nature in a remote corner of Oregon. Her foppy step-brother Nigel (Rik Young) is also rather keen to find her, so with a pip-pip and a tally-ho, it's off to the wilderness they go.

Following a map drawn by sceptical locals (including helpful landmarks like 'Shapely Ass'), Ben and Zach manage to make enemies of a gang of vicious squirrels and lose Nigel before eventually finding Heather - sorry, Earthchild - living the hippy dream with her friend 'Thunderstorm' (Amber MacDonald) deep in the forest.

But Ben is devastated to find that Heather now only has eyes for Zach. What's more, they've been followed all the way and it doesn't take a tracker to know there's something nasty lurking in the woods.

Carried on a babbling stream of pratfalls and below-the-belt humour, Nature's Calling makes few demands on the audience. Indeed, it practically welcomes laughs at the expense of its preposterous characters.

Dressed like a couple of Malibu Barbies and living in the most palatial treehouse on the planet, Earthchild and Thunderstorm make Paris Hilton look like Grizzly Adams. And Nigel - a four-time Commonwealth darts champion, no less - can't seem to decide whether he's Biggles or Bertie Wooster.

There's also a bizarre role for gridiron great Jerry Rice as a mountain man called Hal Gore who has forever lived in the shadow of his 'H'-less namesake and blames global warming on squirrel farts.

Thought we smelt something nutty.

Elliott Noble