The law of averages states that, given the right director and the absence of Kate Hudson, Matthew “McCareer’s-gone-awry” McConaughey would eventually make a romcom worth watching.
But let’s not get carried away. Though restricting himself to just one topless scene, the laziest actor in Hollywood stretches himself no further in this rehash of A Christmas Carol than he did in the hellishly average How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Fool’s Gold and Failure To Launch.
He doesn’t even bother to tone down his Texan drawl to play a native Rhode Islander – namely, the celebrity photographer and all-round babe-hound, Connor Mead.
Connor is the kind of cad who ditches three girls in one conference call (still, if they’re dumb and eager enough to sleep with such an obviously shallow git, who cares?). This is a guy with no time for love and even less for marriage.
Which is why the only person who wants him at his brother Paul’s wedding is brother Paul himself (Breckin Meyer).
The Mead boys were raised by their Uncle Wayne (Douglas), a rich playboy who died leaving Connor with his come-day, go-away attitude to women and Paul with a lovely country mansion in which to hold his nuptials.
Confirming the worst fears of Paul’s highly strung bride (Lacey Chabert, voice of several Rugrats) and their family friend Jenny (Garner), Connor rocks up for the wedding rehearsal and ruins the romance for everyone.
Then lo, up pops Uncle Wayne like Jacob Marley on Viagra to warn Connor that three visitors are on their way.
Within minutes, he’s whisked back to the 80s with his first sexual partner Allison Vandermeesh (Emma Stone). Turns out Connor was never the same after Jenny - his one true love – broke his heart at the school prom. Years later, he returned the favour.
Reflecting on what might have been, Connor is then shown what people think about him now by his annoying Indian personal assistant. Finally, an angelic wraith appears to show him his grim future.
As you’d expect from the writers of 2008 turkey Four Christmases, the script is not without duds. Fortunately, director Waters pulls out the odd cracker, injecting Dickens’ timeless story of redemption with a healthy dose of self-awareness.
“What happens next?” asks Connor of history guide Allison. “Now there’s a love affair montage set to Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time,” she replies. Cue a love affair montage set to Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time.
While McConaughey freewheels once again as the love-Scrooge, Garner brings more depth to Jenny than a thousand Hudsons. Give that girl a medal.
Douglas also leers nicely as the deadest swinger in town, while his Fatal Attraction co-star Anne Archer shows she’s still got it as the bride’s mother. Topping the lot is Robert Forster, who steals all his scenes as her Korean War-haunted ex-husband.
More of them and less of the McOrdinary would have made this a much sweeter bit of humbug.
Elliott Noble
