Swap Middle-Earth for ancient China, Frodo for the Karate Kid and The Ring for an old stick, and before you can say “didn’t Jet Li retire from martial arts movies?” you’re in The Forbidden Kingdom.
 
Stringing together enough Eastern legends to baffle an Oriental Classics professor, it’s one of those destiny-fulfilment sagas in which everyone talks as though they've binged on fortune cookies for a week.
 
What’s forbidden about the kingdom is just one of its many unanswered riddles, yet that’s where kung-fu movie geek Jason (Shia Leboeuf substitute Angarano) suddenly finds himself after a gang of Boston hoods rob his local pawn shop.
 
Shot in the melee, doddery proprietor Old Hop (Chan) thrusts a carved staff upon Jason with the instruction to “return it to its rightful owner.” After a foot-chase and a fall, Jason wakes up in medieval China.
 
There’s no escape from the pillaging here either, as Jason is immediately surrounded by mounted thugs. He is rescued by Lu Yan (Chan again), a travelling drunk with impressive fighting skills.
 
Over a few bevvies, Lu Yan explains what’s going on. At this point, it’s worth quoting an ancient Chinese proverb: “Wisdom come to man who open eyes and cross legs; fool who go to toilet learn nothing.”
 
Years ago, says Lu, the good-hearted but chronically annoying Monkey King (Jet Li) got his comeuppance after embarrassing the tyrannical Jade Warlord (Collin Chou) at a banquet for various immortal persons.
 
In the ensuing fight, Monkey’s magic stick was cast off a mountain and now he is encased in stone while Jade Baddie rules over the kingdom. Peace will only be restored by ending the staff shortage.

Got that? Splendid.
 
So in the boo corner we have Jade Warlord (presumably named after his eye-shadow), the White-haired Witch – a hench-wench with whiplash tresses - and a large army of rubbish swordsmen.
 
Fighting Jason’s cause are Lu Yan, a pretty young dart-thrower called Golden Sparrow, and the enigmatic Silent Monk (Jet again).
 
The latter is actually quite chatty, but that only becomes apparent after he and Lu Yan have a big scrap to see who’s the best.
 
While expertly choreographed by Crouching Tiger stunt maestro Yuen Woo-Ping, the first-ever ruck between Jackie and Jet is like watching those interminable punch-ups between Neo and Agent Smith in The Matrix. You know there can’t be a winner.
 
The rest of the journey follows a well-worn trail, taking in a training montage, a sprinkling of gags, and enough fights and philosophy to leave you dazed and Confucius.
 
At the heart of it all, the dynamic duo create a watchable chemistry; Chan bringing his customary charm, and Li showing that he does have a light side.
 
Without producing major fireworks, it’s nice to see the lads together before they hang up their chop-socks.

Elliott Noble