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4 stars
18
Raising the bar for on-screen profanity, political incorrectness and sheer don't-try-this-at-home lunacy, the continuing adventures of cardiac crusader Chev Chelios are definitely not for those of a sensitive nature.
Owing as much to Tom and Jerry as Tarantino, High Voltage hits the ground running - or rather, falling - as Chev is scraped off the road by Triads following his tumble from a helicopter.
Our hero wakes up to find his captors sticking a plastic heart into his chest and preparing to harvest his other ‘superhuman’ organs. Including the most important one. Naturally, Chev ain’t happy.
As a taster of what’s to come, the no-nonsense Cockney begins his quest for the stolen ticker by debagging a bad guy, taking a lubricated shotgun, and asking the immortal question: “Now - who’s got my f***in’ strawberry tart?”
But finding lost property is easy. The hard part is keeping his new batteries charged.
Following the advice of his doctor (Dwight Yoakam), Chev empowers himself with anything that creates a spark: Tasers, jump-leads, fuse boxes, cigarette lighters, electronic dog collars, rubbing vigorously against old ladies...
Meanwhile, there are scumbags to despatch, gun victims being the lucky ones. The less fortunate are subjected to various genital traumas, macheted funny bones, and a self-inflicted double nipplectomy that could make the most dedicated S&M freak wince.
But since everyone in Chev’s world is a low-life, from sneering Triads and Latino gangsters to gay bikers and Bai Ling’s potty-mouthed hooker, nobody gets off lightly.
As girlfriend Eve, Amy Smart rides again (literally) for another public act of indecency with Chev, while dirty old Triad David Carradine and strip joint owner Corey Haim (sporting a suitably 80s-style mullet) both get theirs.
Determined to push as many buttons as possible, Crank-meisters Neveldine and Taylor up the outrage with a thesaurus full of racial and sexual put-downs and a rabidly edited jamboree of bare flesh and gratuitous splatter.
Bullet-punctured breast implants? So wrong… but so knowingly ludicrous it’s almost right.
With Ron Jeremy leading a porn actors’ strike and other bizarre diversions including an appearance from Geri Halliwell as Chev’s mum, this is truly grindhouse for the 21st century.
Interest flags whenever The Stath is off-screen but that only confirms his status as the most watchable action star to come from Britain since, well, ever.
Stick two fingers up at the moral majority... then shove them in the High Voltage socket and get ready to have your socks blown off.
Elliott Noble
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