Old Enough To Know Better

What's it like when the ageing process slowly but surely mutates you into Donatella Versace without the blonde fright wig? It must be particularly galling if you were the macho hunk who spent all those lost afternoons with Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks. Now those long spells between lunch and teatime seem to be spent rekindling his boxing career when he should really be kicking back with a plate of custard creams and a steam train jigsaw. With his Oscar-nominated turn in The Wrestler, the frazzled old pugilist was reborn. However, the passing of the years have provided him with scant insight into life - he's got an IRA tattoo and loftily maintains "This sh*t between Christians and Muslims goes back to the Crusades, doesn't it?" Look out for him on Newsnight.