Political polemecist Eric Forsberg intelligently satirises the silent threat posed to America by Al-Qaeda by subversively substituting the Islamic terrorist movement for an all-powerful shoal of killer fish.
 
No, of course he doesn't. What Eric does do is pray that the success that greeted the purposefully absurd B-Movie Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus works for this creature-feature where the stars of the show are genetically engineered piranhas.
 
Paul Logan - America's answer to Craig Fairbrass - plays granite-jawed, concrete-brained special forces agent Jason Fitch, who is despatched with his wetsuit and pecs down to Venezuela's Orinoco River.
 
Why? Well. the lardbucket American consul and a Venezuelan political fixer plus a gratuitously topless bevy of lovelies have been gorily wiped out by a terrorist attack on their luxury launch while cruising up the river.
 
Except that we know they haven't. In fact, they were attacked by a voracious pack of boat-chewing piranhas. the result of a GM botch-up by none other than 80s pop warbler Tiffany, who looks like she may have spent the royalties from I Think We're Alone Now on burgers.
 
(In Mega Shark the obligatory faded pop star and oceanographer was Debbie Gibson. Apparently, Bono's lined up for the next one as a humanitarian geophysicist.)
 
As well as killer fish, Fitch has also got to put up with corrupt Venezuelan colonel Diaz (Labiosa) and a script and plot whose budget origins the producers - arch ironists that they are - hope will make this some sort of so-bad-it's-good hit.
 
Played straight, it's initially amusing but swiftly outstays its welcome as the piranhas develop the ability to fly like fanged double decker buses and the whole caboodle tries just a bit too hard to be knowing.

At the end of the day, there's only so much CGI you can take that looks like it was created on a Sinclair ZX Spectrum.
 
To see how it's really done check out Paul Verhoeven's peerless Starship Troopers.

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Tim Evans